Tales From The Jugular - Mindless Clutter
Well in the tradition of Maximum Metal's own Rod Throwen, I thought I would just put
together a small piece for this Tales From The Jugular column. Maybe my own little ode to
big RT. I thought it would be nice to just hop on here and randomly spout off metal
non-sense and mindless clutter. Sort of my own blend of therapy and mind exercise. So with
that being said, this issue will sort of just be an "around the horn" blend of
musings and ramblings, from what I've been jamming to the price of Starbucks coffee.
Lights, camera, A-A-A-Action!
The new Edguy album "Rocket Ride" is absolutely brilliant! Pretty much sums up
their entire career and future in one long playing session. Fans of all of the Edguy
records will find songs they can relate to. Interesting to see Edguy going in a hard rock
direction. I predicted that in my Past, Present, Future column on them.
Along with the constant Edguy spins comes two classic albums that I picked up the first
weekend of February--Manowar's "Hail To England" and "Into Glory
Ride". Cheese or no cheese these albums deliver the punch to the gut and a firm kick
in the ass. Kill With Power!
Finding a lot of good stuff in the Swedish hard rock market these days. The new Hardcore
Superstars album is probably the best answer to a new Guns 'N Roses album you'll find.
This band just smokes with a great rock attitude and a fierce ground and pound attack.
Along with that comes an amazing band called Crash Diet that sounds a bit like a fired up
Ratt meets Icon. Great stuff!
And rounding things out is a rather odd choice of albums for me. Recently I lost another
bout with my back, this time being put down with the normal everyday routine of lifting a
laundry basket. Slipped a few more discs out which led to extensive PAIN! Interesting that
while I was home from work in intense pain my listening pleasure was found deep in the
bowels of death metal. For about a two week period the likes of Vader, Gorefest, Severe
Torture, Hate, Torture Killer, and Sinister were blasting out of my own little place in
the world. Perhaps pain leads to more brutal displays of musical power. Perhaps brutality
is soothing? (Note to self....write the counter to "Chicken Soup For The Soul"
with "Goregrind For The Soul")
I found the Melodicrock.com interview with Shark Island vocalist Richard Black very
interesting. In the interview Black explains that Guns 'N Roses vocalist Axel Rose pretty
much came out and watched the band live night after night. THEN stole Black's stage antics
and routine. Black had this to say about Rose: "...he' really a piece of work for the
dregs. As far as I'm concerned he's never done anything original in his life."
I find it odd that a band like Exodus, who in my opinion have always been sort of second
tier thrash, are always featured on MTV2's "Headbanger's Ball". Call it good
promotion or press, but I'll be damned if that band hasn't nudged their way into that
proverbial "in crowd". It is amazing that a top notch band like Overkill is
completely ignored. Why isn't other second rate bands spotlighted? Where is Meliah Rage
(two albums out in the last three years), Flotsam & Jetsam (new album out now), or
even some of those active German boys (Destruction, Kreator).
It was announced that Riot has sent their new album to EMI Japan. I have high hopes for
these New York legends this go around. This new record is going to be impressive folks!
Maybe beckoning that long ago vibe of "Restless Breed" or "Fire Down
Germany's Rage has announced the song titles and details regarding their new album
"Speak Of The Dead". I am probably the biggest Rage fan in the world, but why
WHY WHY do we need another orchestra album. I'm not buying this.
Stuck Mojo has announced that their new album will be called "Southern Born
Killers". I will go on the record and state that this new album will be in my top ten
FOREVA! Their last album was probably the most definitive, comprehensive look at today's
modern metal world. The Mojo will be back in grand style baby!
For those of you who haven't heard, Maximum Metal has two exciting announcements. For
starters myself and Frank Hill have partnered with another gorehound to launch
www.maximumhorrors.com . Horror and Sci-Fi fans can wander over to that site to check it
out. I do my usual 467 reviews per month over there as well, discussing important topics
as the amount of hacking slashes needed for young Tommy to dismember Jason Voorhees, or on
a good day perhaps how hard it is for Michael Myers to breathe behind that blank white
mask. The possibilities are endless.
And for the second biggie, Maximum Metal has now launched our Maximum Metal store, where
you can buy indy and underground gems like Twilight Odyssey, Sacred Oath, Slik Helvetika,
Legion, and twenty or so others. Check it out at www.maximummetal.com/store
In sports news it looks like the Denver Broncos are close to signing T.O. We got rid of
Bill Romanowski and now we are on the verge of bringing in another bad boy. Don't do it
Mike! Please, don't do it! Just think of the greats we have had in the past. Don't ruin
their legacy by bringing in a bad Bronco!
My other disappointing team, the loveable losing Chicago Cubs, are going to rock out this
year ladies and gents! They finally have solidified their outfield with veterans Pierre
and Jones helping out young sensation Matt Murton. The outfield is rock solid and the
infield corners are as good as it gets with Ramirez and Lee. IF, oh IF, we can get a
"star is born" out of young shortstop Cedeno then we have the makings of NL
Central champs. Todd Walker scares me at second, but we do have a fairly good
infielder/outfielder in Jerry Hairston. Don't forget about the seasoned Perez to shore
things up as well. Pitching should be "okay" with a healthy Wood, Prior, Maddux,
Zambrano combo. That fifth starter spot is troublesome but can be fixed if Williams can
turn out a few good outings. WGN, bring back Stone! Bring back Stone! Bring back Stone!
Bring back Stone!
The Ultimate Fighting brought out another great card last Saturday night. I will say Randy
Couture, you will be greatly missed. The former champ retired after the night's loss to
Light Heavyweight champ Chuck Liddell. I'm looking forward to the heavyweight match-up
next month with Forest Griffin taking on the always dangerous Tito Ortiz. I think we are
going to see the winner of that fight battling current champ Arlovski. Or perhaps we will
see Arlovski taking on Cruz, who laid down a vicious wifebeating on the talented Frank
Mir. Both should be killer matchups. Matt Hughes against Gracie is the next big match and
honestly I don't see Hughes ever losing that title. Same goes for Liddell at this point,
however I would like to see Rich Franklin put on 20 and fight him. He has his hands full
with David Loiseau next month though. Team America vs Team Canada at the UFC in March.
Pro-Wrestling has been quite boring of late. I think Edge might as well pack it in and
move to TNA. Vince has officially whored him out. Now his Wrestlemania match is against
the tired and over Mick Foley. Poor guy. Probably a year or so away from joining Matt
Hardy at the Trailer Court Inn. Looks like the big main event of Wrestlemania will be HHH
against Cena. BORING! I am looking forward to the ECW show in June. One Night Only the
sequel. I think we will get Malenko vs Benoit in honor of Eddie.
Comic fans rejoice as Marvel is releasing an animated DVD adaptation of the popular
Ultimates series. This film will feature the storylines of the first 7 issues of the
violent and "what if" styled comic. For those of you unaware of Ultimates, this
is basically a different telling of the Avengers comic. It starts with the origins of most
of the heroes, really creating an entirely different concept than the original series. For
example Hulk doesn't fight the urge to transform, he gets off on it like a coke addict.
Iron Man is a womanizer with some serious social issues. Giant Man is a wife beater. Yeah,
I know, it ruins many perceptions and traditions set forth years and years ago from Stan
Lee. However for a brand new audience who can't possibly trace storylines and characters
for the last fifty years, it is a great new way to enjoy these characters without a
backstory to follow. Marvel has done the same for the likes of X-Men, Daredevil, and
I give respect to anyone who has passed their testing for a Life, Health, & Annuity
Insurance license. The material is just horrible. How can anyone remember all of this
Pizza Hut's new cheesy bites pizza is fine, fine, FINE! Refreshing to have pizza end with
Okay, that is all for now. Had to get that off of my chest! Until we meet again, I leave
you with this:
"Three sons have I
and they ride by my side!
The fierce, the black,
and the wicked are their names!
We ride down our enemies
on their half-hearted flight
No voice of mercy
No evangels of light!
Strong winds, magic mists
To Asguard the Valkries fly!
High over head, they carry the dead
Where the blood of my enemies lies!
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