C O L U M N S
Tales from the Jugular
40 Most Awesomely Bad Songs?
40. Judas Priest Turbo Lover
This may very well be the weakest song in the Judas Priest catalog, but deserving to be here--what, are you a retard?
39. Jackyl The Lumberjack
I never truly got into the Jackyl sound, so I have no opinion on the song, but from what I heard, it is not a bad song.
38. Grim Reaper See You in Hell
A kick ass song from a kick ass group. I still play it regularly. Outstanding vocal performance.
37. Iron Maiden Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter
Maiden went though a phase that started after the Fear of the Dark record. Unfortunately, this song was on one of those stray records. It is a stretch to include anything from Maiden here.
36. Creed Higher
Creed is not metal, so why is it on a metal list? That is beyond comprehension.
35. Green Jelly (or Jell-O, depending on the version) Three Little Pigs
I will give Green Jelly credit for attempting the unheard of. The riffs were heavy for the time, so bad, naw, no way!
34. Ace Freshly Rock Soldiers
Dude missed the Kiss Army. All he wanted were soldiers to follow him. Not with that type of crap.
33. Dio The Last in Line
A bad song? Who made that ruling?
32. Guns N Roses Estranged
Far too much orchestra for my taste, so my opinion did not vary much here.
31. Loudness Crazy Nights
Ill be damn. They trash the only Loudness album that I like. Damn em all to hell.
30. Bullet Boys Smooth Up In Ya
So what, he is singing about sex. Rappers do it all the time, so why is he an outcast for doing it.
29. Accept Balls To the Wall
Forget this. That is one of the all time great metal songs. The video leaves a lot to be desired but the song rules.
28. Slaughter - Up All Night
What is wrong with a feel good song?
27. Trixter Give It to Me Good
Ok, again, I agree. There, I said it.
26. Helix Rock You
Helix is a group that has to somewhat grow on you. What I think is that they hated the video, so decided to pick apart cool songs.
25. Marilyn Manson I Dont Like the Drugs but the Drugs like Me
You could make a shit list with most of this freak shows noise.
24. Mötley Crüe Without You
So they slowed down their sound a bit. Whoopty-fricking-do. I mean hell; it was on the same CD with TNT, Dr.Feelgood, and Kickstart my heart. Id say the ballad fit in so that means VH1 is wrong again.
23. Dokken Breaking the Chains
A virtually unknown, at the time, and an attempt at radio friendliness, hey, he tried.
22. Van Halen Without You
Oh my god, can we say pansy. He is not Sammy, give up trying.
21. Quiet Riot Party All Night
God, I run and hide every time I think I hear that song.
20. Danzig Mother
I just have one question. Have you lost your mind?
19. Vixen Edge of a Broken Heart
Richard Marx and metal do not mix well. Otherwise, they have potential. Actually, they remind me of Sinergy, which is in no way a bad thing.
18. Manowar Blow Your Speakers
This was highly heavy for the time. Actually, I think the anti-radio and anti-video theme of it all is what earned it this spot.
17. Scorpions Wind of Change
In reality, that was the only good song on the entire album.
16. Queensrÿche - Silent Lucidity
Get a clue, this is an awesome song. Slower than a lot of thier songs and this makes it bad?
15. Whitesnake Here I Go Again
The people who came up with this list are idiots.
14. Britny Fox Girl school
Honestly, I could care less about this song or group.
13. Insane Clown Posse Tilt a whirl
Rapping clowns is now considered metal? Just shoot me now and put me out of my misery.
12. Hear N Aid Stars
I assume that they did like We Are The World. What would be the difference? Can you tell me that?
11. Autograph Turn Up the Radio
Look at the time that they were in. then call it bad.
10. Limp Bizkit My Way
What is up with all this rap stuff that is called metal?
9. Cinderella Nobodys Fool
I never had any complaints. I really dug a lot of their music, and this was no different.
8. White Lion Wait
Glam in every since of the word. I am glad that song didnt hang around too long.
7. Ugly Kid Joe Everything about You
Say what you want, but the song is as American as apple pie.
6. Stryper Honesty
Good gimmick and it is a good song for a change of pace. This did seem to be one of their better written songs.
5. Winger Seventeen
I always liked it, but, what do I know?
4. Poison Unskinny Bop
This song is so bad that it doesnt even need to be here, unless it hits number 1 nightmare song.
3. Kiss Forever
I am just glad this was not a permanent thing. Co-written by Michael Bolton, are you shitting me?
2. Warrant Cherry Pie
Clever, daring, and witty, but nowhere near bad.
1. Europe The Final Countdown
Over 2.5 million copies of the album that contained this single were sold. Needless to say, I am positive that most of you guys and girls owned it. Admit it; I know I owned it back in the day. Out of date, without a doubt, but a lot of todays melodic metal uses keyboards--the thing they said destroyed their sound.
The collaborators must have a crack pipe with them. Funny though, I have seen most of these videos on Metal Mania, and the original Headbangers Ball. I guess VH1 havent a clue of good. Whatever, that seems to be the way of the world now. Piss on the classics. How very sad it is!
Old compiled Maximum Metal staff choices with commentary:
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