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Tales from the Jugular

Staff Predictions for 2005

By: Eric Compton & Frank Hill
Published: Sunday, February 27, 2005
EC
  • Next year will be a year of remembrance for Dimebag Darrel. You will see band after band come out and talk about Dimebag's death and the influence his death has had on them both musically and mentally. Tributes will be made, Pantera records will be reissued, and songs will be written about Dimebag. Expect everyone to either get more angry with their music, or to possibly take a step back and do some ballad type stuff. It could really go either way. You could also see some "redneck" styled metal surface.

  • The Motley Crue reunion will be successful, eventually leading to a new record. The band will break up at least once on the road, and Vince Neil will be charged with disorderly conduct.

  • Guns 'N Roses will still be missing in action.

  • Hair metal will not come back, no matter how hard they push Velvet Revolver.

  • A new Van Halen record will be released with Sammy Hagar at the helm. It will flop.

  • Gothic metal will be bigger than ever with bands like Nightwish, Evanescence, and Within Tempatation leading the way. You will see a few more obscure names pop up and become household names.

  • Power metal will be pushed further and further way. 2005 will be about Gothic, Hardcore, and Death metal.

  • Expect to see Zakk Wylde guest star in the new Dukes Of Hazzard film. He will probably do the theme song.

  • The new Judas Priest album will sell very well.


    Frank Hill
  • Dimebag Darrell will deservedly stay in the news with tribute CDs and re-releases of Pantera CDs with plenty of bonus material. Passed away, he will grace the cover of more metal magazines than anybody alive.

  • Phil Anselmo will show up and at a club show to sing a few songs with a local band. He will speak more on Dimebag as the year goes on.

  • 2005 will be about NWOAHM (thrash/hardcore cross) and traditional metal on the American scene. Black metal will fall off the US/Euro radar. Death metal will continue as is.

  • Europe will undergo a move into pop metal while the rest of the world (Asia and South America) continues to latch onto extreme stuff--death and black metal.

  • Priest and the next Ozzfest will influence more classic material to the video shows, but until it can prove to sell big, the companies will largely ignore it. It's a whole lot easier to offer a rip-off contract to new kids on the scene than pay out a lot of cash to unreliable veterans.

  • Ronnie Jame Dio will join Ozzy on stage for a duet of classic Sabbath songs. "War Pigs" is what I'm seeing.

  • Tesla and Motley Crue's hit CDs will inspire some hair bands to reform for more reasons than fat, Midwest U.S. poontang, but they will vary in lineup.

    --Don Dokken will sing for Cinderella
    --Tom Keifer will sing for Ratt
    --Stephen Pearcy will sing for Warrant
    --Sebastian Bach will join Slaughter
    --Mark Slaughter will sing for Dokken

    Nobody will give a crap either way.

  • Look for an all metal Surreal Life with Bruce Kulick, Marq Torien, Fred Durst, Jason Newsted, Buckethead, Bobbie Brown, Tawny Kitaen, Peter Frampton, Max Metal's Jonah Blaze and Aladin "Sarsippius" Sulemanagic Jackson the Third.

    First show--Intro to players; Fred falls in love with Tawny; Jonah falls for Bobbie.
    Second show--The lizard shits in the hottub.

  • Look for Priest and Maiden to co-headline together in a series of short tours. The parking lots will be filled with 1986 Chevy Camaros and mullets will rule the night--they are legend and they are legion.

  • Eddie Van Halen will crash a vehichle and enter rehab during the year. David Lee Roth may or may not show up to give emergency medical relief.

  • Metal fans will still wonder what the hell 'mathcore' and 'stoner' rock is.

  • AC\DC's fans will start a petition begging for the 40-ish Angus Young not to strip and moon the crowd.

  • Dave Mustaine, Lars Ulrich, and Kerry King will finally come out and do a DVD 'How To Series' on getting press for bogus feuds.

  • The next Ozzfest will be have the widest ageset for years with young kids in to see the modern bands and older fans in to see the classic bands. The parking lots will be filled with tricked-out Honda Civics and patched-up Chevy Camaros.

  • EC will grow his hair long and start dressing like a Scandanavian metal musician, but with no musical talent other than banging on a glockenspiel.

  • Bands to Watch in 2005: Priest, AC/DC, Mercenary, Biomechanical, Hellfueled, Demons & Wizards

    ------------

    And let's look at some of last year's predictions and the ending result:

    EC
    Next year metal will see a slight surge, with the Gothenburg death scene dominating what is now called nu-metal. Bands like Shadow's Fall, In Flames, Arch Enemy, and Single Bullet Theory will all see a rise in sales and some huge touring offers.

    --All true other than Single Bullet Theory. Arch Enemy has played the game like Agent Of Steel, going out with anyone that asks them. Shadow's Fall has sold extremely well, and In Flames have hit the big time, and have the dreads to prove it!

    Van Halen will be back with Sammy Hagar on the mike. Expect to see a new record from them by fall, with a huge summer touring package featuring Halen, KISS, Aerosmith, and Bon Jovi. They may even do a platinum package offer to fans for a million dollars. Hey KISS did it for a $1000!

    --Well they are back, and we got some new songs out of them. The big tour didn't happen, but it is coming real soon.

    Motley Crue will hit the circuit again with very little success. The world doesn't care if they are shouting at the devil, shouting at their bitches, or shouting at their attorneys. The Crue is finished.

    --They didn't hit the road in '04.

    The 80s thrash scene will try to bring the popular Gothenburg death scene into their sound. Expect comeback albums from Testament, Death Angel, Dark Angel, and Forbidden. These guys won't go back to the sound that has made them however, only the sound that will pay off their 20 year credit card debt.

    --This was completely off the mark. The only bands to release albums were Death Angel and Exodus. Heathen came back with a "lost relics" album.

    By the end of 2004 a power metal band will finally hit the mainstream. We may see Hammerfall on a box of Wheaties.

    --Again, way off the mark. Power metal seems to be completely shunned by the mainstream at this point. Other than Maiden and Priest, power metal is completely dead.

    Black metal will be commercialized next year. Perhaps we will finally see the ultimate crossover of musical trends...black rap. Hmmm......

    --Dimmu Borgir and Cradle Of Filth continue to be successful here in the states. Dimmu Borgir has even been featured on programming such as Battle For Ozzfest and Headbanger's Ball.

    Expect 25% of all heavy metal albums to be packaged with DVDs. Thanks Metallica, here's a gram of coke.

    --Correct. Nearly everything comes out packaged with a DVD. Everyone from Rage to UDO to Anvil to Shadows Fall have put out CDs packaged with DVDs.

    Frank Hill
    Metal will see a big hard rock resurgence in the U.S. similar to the '78-'82-era and the pre-thrash days of '84-'86. Trendy bands will one again put on jean jackets and grow their hair long and straight so they can look like real old-school metalheads. Glam will attempt an unsuccessful comeback.

    --Off the mark with NWOAHM being the big trend.

    Sammy Hagar will rejoin Van Halen with vocals on a new CD and on stage with a series of short tours.

    --Partly true.

    Commercialized Black Metal will continue to make inroads into the US market with at least 1 band breaking into the Billboard Top 25. Only the top few current bands will be successful though.

    --Not quite. Cradle of Filth's Nymphetamine made #89

    Bands to Watch in 2004: Judas Priest, Cradle of Filth, Iced Earth, AC\DC, Slipknot, Velvet Revolver, Fireball Ministry, The Darkness

    --Big news for most, but not all had releases.

    So, for the most part, I suck and should be renamed Nostrodumbass.




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