F E A T U R E

Iron Maiden and Eddie Are Now Neutered: The Beastly Written Rant!
2/18/2011 3:29:11 PM by Jonah Haze




I almost hate myself for having to write this. After procrastinating procrastination of the most dreaded task I've ever had to face in the written word, this is my moral obligation as both a critic and a fan.

Tis official now--Iron Maiden are actually a tribute band to themselves! And as they painfully try to write and play the part(s) like Iron Maiden, they sadly cannot. This is Iron Maiden 33 years old--out of shape and out of original thought almost like Alzheimer patients but without any flashing memories of the past.

There is only on Iron Maiden. Actually there are five Iron American "Maidens" who kick balls better by breast feeding this British band because babies beget the babies they've become. They need to be nursed back to life apparently.

I love Iron Maiden. I love everything they stand for and have loyally blown my own breath into the giant floating Eddie doll since forever. I will always support and salute the name and legacy of Iron Maiden, but I cannot and hence will not understand or trust them from now on...

[Full Column]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
Demons and Wizards HammerFall
Lost Horizon Slipknot
Neck Majesty
Ring of Fire Steel Attack
Advent Fozzy
Wizard Manowar
Angel Dust Led Zeppelin
October 31 Johnny Lokke
Tungsten Endless Time
Sevendust Artension
Curriculum Mortis Malstrom
Sludge! Thunderstone
Murdercycle Wicked Sensation
Soul Reaper Doro
Royal Anguish Tesla
F5 Force Of Evil
Shiva Death Angel
Exodus Riot
Jag Panzer Kingcrow
Outworld Wolf
Amityville Whore Skyfire
U.D.O. Lonewolf
House of Lords Devil In The Kitchen
Insomnium Skeletonwitch
Rhapsody of Fire Dio
Aina Internal Bleeding
Overlorde Behemoth
Tsjuder Twisted Sister
Creed The New Breed
Rottweiller Blood Red Throne
Soilwork Dirt
Strikelight Heartcry
Ravensthorn Pure Inc
Bleed The Sky Bruce Dickinson
Raintime Grand Magus
Green Carnation Manntis
Mirador Communic
Unshine Circus Maximus
Evemaster Leaves Eyes
Gaia Thor
Iron Maidens Scar Symmetry
Octavia Sperati To The Bone
Evergrey Blood Thirsty Demons
1349 Barcode
Vinterriket The Absence
Phantom X Mistress
Akercocke Spellbound
Cryogen Overmars
Avulsed Urizen
Chain Collector Midnight Idols
The Classic Struggle The Tenth Circle
Gorefest Motorhead
Hate Beecher
Early Man Insense
Pile of Heads Second Shadow
Thryfing Across Tundras
Southern Black Sand Katatonia
Beyond Fear Fields Of The Nephilim
Leviathan/Sapthuran Moonspell
Valhalla Speed/Kill/Hate
8th Sin Fragments of Unbecoming
Gorgoroth Suzukiton
Destruction Time Requiem
Warface Agalloch
Anata Belphegor
The Finals Thy Majestie
Amputated Semargl
Audrey Horne Winger
Darkness Eternal Steve Cone
Centinex Diagnose: Lebensgefahr
Manticore Merciless Death
Marc Sasso Spit Like This
Pathosray Diamond Dogs
Spheric Universe Experience Night Ranger
Bilocate Ride The Sky
Deceiver Father Befouled
Pop Evil Blood Haven
Kreator Hacksaw Surgery
Godhead Intolerant
Mar De Grises UFOmammut
Faded Hope Nasty Idols
Sotajumala Caliban
Raven