F E A T U R E

Iron Maiden and Eddie Are Now Neutered: The Beastly Written Rant!
2/18/2011 3:29:11 PM by Jonah Haze




I almost hate myself for having to write this. After procrastinating procrastination of the most dreaded task I've ever had to face in the written word, this is my moral obligation as both a critic and a fan.

Tis official now--Iron Maiden are actually a tribute band to themselves! And as they painfully try to write and play the part(s) like Iron Maiden, they sadly cannot. This is Iron Maiden 33 years old--out of shape and out of original thought almost like Alzheimer patients but without any flashing memories of the past.

There is only on Iron Maiden. Actually there are five Iron American "Maidens" who kick balls better by breast feeding this British band because babies beget the babies they've become. They need to be nursed back to life apparently.

I love Iron Maiden. I love everything they stand for and have loyally blown my own breath into the giant floating Eddie doll since forever. I will always support and salute the name and legacy of Iron Maiden, but I cannot and hence will not understand or trust them from now on...

[Full Column]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· LA Guns· Scanner
· Sinner· Slipknot
· Chaingunn· Big Dumb Face
· BloodDuster· Carpathian Forest
· Narziß· Godsmack
· Warhorse· Seether
· Mark Boals· Iron Maiden
· Fozzy· Lamb of God
· Led Zeppelin· October 31
· Sevendust· Kilfast
· Beautiful Creatures· Murdercycle
· DevilDriver· Fraise
· Iron Savior· TNA
· Black Stone Cherry· Devil To Pay
· Funerus· Evanescence
· Kingcrow· David Shankle Group
· Marillion· Judas Priest
· Spiral Madness· Feinstein
· Devil In The Kitchen· Fireaxe
· Occult· Eternal Flight
· Slowlife· Throcult
· Agnostic Front· Dark Tranquillity
· Of Infinity· The Apocalyptic Riders
· Divine Fire· Lost Soul
· Corrosion Of Conformity· Angtoria
· Wolverine· the missing:
· Stormwarrior· God Fear None
· Bleed The Sky· Axis Of Perdition
· Lord Gore· Chastain
· Disbelief· Sothis
· Dark Funeral· Monolithe
· Frameless Scar· Fates Warning
· Sheavy· The Scourger
· Future is Tomorrow· Dragonia
· Winterfell· Overloaded
· Sun O)))· 1349
· Barcode· Twilight
· Phantom X· Spellbound
· Avulsed· Celebratum
· Virgin Steele· Enforsaken
· Thryfing· Across Tundras
· Intronaut· Fields Of The Nephilim
· Hell-Born· Tris Katone
· Event Horizon· The Ocean
· Viron· The Smashup
· Candlemass· Dreams of Damnation
· Apiary· Upon Infliction
· Space Odyssey· Swashbuckle
· Paul Bonrud· Amon Amarth
· Time Requiem· Death Breath
· Mastodon· Eighteen Visions
· Quest of Aidance· Urkraft
· Phazm· Twisted Into Form
· Warmachine· Hardcore Superstar
· Battered· Throne of Katarsis
· In This Moment· Incrave
· Marc Sasso· Gotthard
· Glorior Belli· The Wonderfools
· Himsa· Keep of Kalessin
· Ensiferum· Echoes of Eternity
· Keldian· Destynation
· Frosthardr· Distorted
· Bilocate· Ride The Sky
· Pop Evil· Kreator
· Godhead· Equilibrium
· Kiuas· Winterfylleth
· Sister Sin