Iron Maiden and Eddie Are Now Neutered: The Beastly Written Rant!
2/18/2011 3:29:11 PM by Jonah Haze

I almost hate myself for having to write this. After procrastinating procrastination of the most dreaded task I've ever had to face in the written word, this is my moral obligation as both a critic and a fan.

Tis official now--Iron Maiden are actually a tribute band to themselves! And as they painfully try to write and play the part(s) like Iron Maiden, they sadly cannot. This is Iron Maiden 33 years old--out of shape and out of original thought almost like Alzheimer patients but without any flashing memories of the past.

There is only on Iron Maiden. Actually there are five Iron American "Maidens" who kick balls better by breast feeding this British band because babies beget the babies they've become. They need to be nursed back to life apparently.

I love Iron Maiden. I love everything they stand for and have loyally blown my own breath into the giant floating Eddie doll since forever. I will always support and salute the name and legacy of Iron Maiden, but I cannot and hence will not understand or trust them from now on...

[Full Column]

<< back >>

Anvil Cathedral
Hate Eternal The Haunted
White Skull Carpathian Forest
Solemnity Stratovarius
Deranged Seven Witches
Solace Advent
Rawhead Rexx Legend
Crematorium Metallica
God Dethroned H.I.M.
Goat Horn Ion Vein
Iced Earth Biomechanical
Chainsnap Rage
Vhaldemar Silent Scythe
Fraise Royal Anguish
Cryonic Temple Gothic Knights
Devil To Pay Celesty
Scala Mercalli Bleeding Inc
David Shankle Group Highlord
Hatework Dimmu Borgir
Fabrizio Bonanno Scorpions
Vox Tempus Meliah Rage
Rhapsody of Fire Dark Age
Unearth Throcult
Six Feet Under The Last Act
Seventh One Jackyl
Kinetic Emerald Sun
Ligeia Miles Beyond
Dirt Vicious Circle
Icarus Witch Argument Soul
Marduk Alex Skolnick Trio
Bruce Dickinson Soul SirkUS
Swallow The Sun Sinisthra
Burden Of Grief Hatesphere
Biss Python
Maximum Overdrive Goddess Of Desire
Taake Voyager
Monolithe Morgana Lefay
Agents Of The Sun Flotsam & Jetsam
The Scourger Black Majesty
1349 Running Wild
Thrones Spellbound
Urizen Asrai
Midnight Idols God Forbid
Dogs Of Winter Beecher
Machina End of Level Boss
Enforsaken Nobody's Fool
Second Shadow Thryfing
Intronaut Ampast
Candlemass Speed/Kill/Hate
Dreams of Damnation Theater of Tragedy
She Said Destroy Shadows Within
Hurt Wastefall
Thy Majestie Zoroaster
Twinball Lesbian Bed Death
Obtest Darkness Eternal
Kotipelto Skullflower
Stonegard With Passion
Warbringer Mindgrinder
Necrophobic White Wizzard
Five Finger Death Punch Rob Zombie
Throneum Cauldron
Frosthardr Ride The Sky
Demonic Symphony Pop Evil
Burzum Celestia
Mar De Grises The More I See
Luna Mortis