Iron Maiden and Eddie Are Now Neutered: The Beastly Written Rant!
2/18/2011 3:29:11 PM by Jonah Haze

I almost hate myself for having to write this. After procrastinating procrastination of the most dreaded task I've ever had to face in the written word, this is my moral obligation as both a critic and a fan.

Tis official now--Iron Maiden are actually a tribute band to themselves! And as they painfully try to write and play the part(s) like Iron Maiden, they sadly cannot. This is Iron Maiden 33 years old--out of shape and out of original thought almost like Alzheimer patients but without any flashing memories of the past.

There is only on Iron Maiden. Actually there are five Iron American "Maidens" who kick balls better by breast feeding this British band because babies beget the babies they've become. They need to be nursed back to life apparently.

I love Iron Maiden. I love everything they stand for and have loyally blown my own breath into the giant floating Eddie doll since forever. I will always support and salute the name and legacy of Iron Maiden, but I cannot and hence will not understand or trust them from now on...

[Full Column]

<< back >>

Anvil Opeth
Sinner Vicious Mary
Misery Index Tiamat
Exmortem Symphorce
Commit Suicide Gun Barrel
Seven Witches Mark Boals
Godflesh Ravage
Manowar Angel Dust
Powergod Led Zeppelin
Tungsten Evolution
Guardians Of Time Vhaldemar
Windseeker Whitesnake
Edguy Fraise
Probot Out of the Lair
Dreamaker Graveland
Amityville Whore David Shankle Group
Gamma Ray Iron Angel
Spiral Madness Feinstein
Fabrizio Bonanno Devil In The Kitchen
Meliah Rage Final Dawn
Aina I.C.E.
House of Shakira Throcult
Dark Ruin Silent Force
Acheron Anger
Avenue F Betrayer
Napalm Death Fifth Cross
Milkweed Crowbar
Rottweiller Entombed
Yyrkoon Heartcry
Mystic Prophecy Argument Soul
Fire Alley Kryoburn
Ignitor Callenish Circle
Throes of Dawn Shade Empire
Blind Stare Agents Of Man
Naglfar Kult ov Azazel
Slik Helvetika The Father Panic Riot Orchestra
Alice Cooper Cannon
Widow Love Forsaken
Blitzkrieg Painmuseum
Mercyful Fate Crystal Fate
Dirty Americans Winterfell
Bolt Thrower Sinocence
Zero Down Intronaut
Nikki Puppet Cryptopsy
The Smashup Bal-Sagoth
Nicodemus The Sword
Hate Profile Cult of Luna
Destruction Nachtmystium
Ynis Vitrin Vicious Rumors
Burialmound Skyforger
Wastefall Zoroaster
Cheva Diagnose: Lebensgefahr
Warbringer Marc Sasso
Pantera Aborted
Malevolent Creation Faith And Fire
Spheric Universe Experience Ride The Sky
40 Below Summer Intolerant
Celestia Medieval Steel
Deadsea Sin
Winterfylleth Crown The Lost