Iron Maiden and Eddie Are Now Neutered: The Beastly Written Rant!
2/18/2011 3:29:11 PM by Jonah Haze

I almost hate myself for having to write this. After procrastinating procrastination of the most dreaded task I've ever had to face in the written word, this is my moral obligation as both a critic and a fan.

Tis official now--Iron Maiden are actually a tribute band to themselves! And as they painfully try to write and play the part(s) like Iron Maiden, they sadly cannot. This is Iron Maiden 33 years old--out of shape and out of original thought almost like Alzheimer patients but without any flashing memories of the past.

There is only on Iron Maiden. Actually there are five Iron American "Maidens" who kick balls better by breast feeding this British band because babies beget the babies they've become. They need to be nursed back to life apparently.

I love Iron Maiden. I love everything they stand for and have loyally blown my own breath into the giant floating Eddie doll since forever. I will always support and salute the name and legacy of Iron Maiden, but I cannot and hence will not understand or trust them from now on...

[Full Column]

<< back >>

Slipknot Vicious Mary
Big Dumb Face Perzonal War
Regurgitate Impellitteri
Twisted Tower Dire Machine Head
Circle II Circle Seether
Iron Maiden Metallica
Angel Dust The Chainsaw
Endless Time Steel Preacher
King Diamond Assrockers
Malstrom Nordheim
Eidolon Stalker
Pink Cream 69 Krisiun
Asperity Deivos
Iron Savior Dew Scented
Fairyland Drowning Pool
Celesty Bang The Union
Leash Law Messiah's Kiss
Madison Paige Graveland
Zaius Black Zodiac
Therion After Forever
Occult Dark Age
Theocracy Division
Z02 I.C.E.
Throcult Six Feet Under
Silent Force Negative Creeps
Overlorde Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Tsjuder Cradle To Grave
Gods Of Fire Divine Fire
Maze Of Torment Sabaton
Vicious Circle Hellfire
Nevermore Cemetary
Antares Marduk
Pure Inc Meshuggah
Frantic Bleep Holy Moses
Babylon Manntis
Sentenced Kult ov Azazel
Circus Maximus Ritual Killer
Gaia Nightvision
Love Forsaken Morgana Lefay
Iron Maidens A Lower Deep
Octavia Sperati Loits
V:28 Black Majesty
Before The Dawn Violent Storm
Dirty Americans Casus Belli
Third Degree Mabon
Savage Circus Arthemis
Phantom X Spellbound
Dreamland Doomfoxx
Gojira Vile
Avulsed Urizen
Sinocence The Tenth Circle
Virgin Steele Machina
Sodom Craft
Fallen Wisdom Mental Care Foundation
Second Shadow Sepultura
Codeon Tris Katone
Silver Dirt Speed/Kill/Hate
The Strongest Proof Abysmal Dawn
Non-Human Level Gorgoroth
She Said Destroy Dendura
Skid Row Jeff Walker und Die Fluffers
Pump Setherial
Oblomov Semargl
Teeth of the Hydra Biolich
Venom Middian
Starkweather Gaza
Threat Signal Old Man's Child
Merciless Death Blood of the Black Owl
Satariel Mithras
Hacride Pentacle
Antigama Aborted
Throneum Fight
Sworn Enemy Hellveto
Echoes of Eternity Mongrel
Alkemyst I Shalt Become
Cockpit Aetherius Obscuritas
Manilla Road Intolerant
Winterfylleth My Dying Bride
Sotajumala Crown The Lost
Caliban Raven
Suspyre Suffocation