F E A T U R E

Van Halen Release Review: "A Different Kind of Toupe" by Jonah Haze
4/13/2012 2:24:21 PM by Frank




"Dave saves the day personally. He gave them an "EPI" shot with a new phonograph needle. Rocking the cradle, getting unchained, (minding the women and children first); he was all the while maintaining the moving parts clean of this heavy machine. This is not Angelina "Jolie's" Diver Down, more like Ronnie Dio's "Holy" Diver Down.

You almost have to hold it with both hands its surprisingly heavy. Mind you this is Van Franklen but this is what will erupt the ears of the old. This is what will corrupt the years of the ears to come. Goddamn! If you didn't know me any wiser, this is fresh magic from the Van Halen Family Dutch oven.

Oh yeah, remember a guitar player named Eddie Van Halen?! Allow It! The magic man with the famous "fingertap" now holds nothing back with his reconstructed cyber hands. He sounds like the Terminator re-re-re-reprogramed to never ever stop until Sarah Conner is Dead. He searches high and low across the fretboard still so fluent in the hunger of youth. It's almost like some solos don't get to finish what Ed started. They scream at him to just let their final notes fly free from his instrument to live out their remaining resonance on their own terms.

Please welcome "Shreddie Eddie" from his long 5150 stay!"


His Full Bore Review: Van Halen - A Different Kind of Toupe



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
Slipknot Mondo Generator
Neck Commit Suicide
Gun Barrel Sickspeed
Crematorium Masterplan
Dr. Butcher Johnny Lokke
Pyn Siren Supervillain
Black Sabbath Saint
Inner Rage of Emotion Thunderbolt
Morbid Angel Victory
Axenstar Duke
Stalker Drillpoint
Murdercycle Whitesnake
Edguy Lacuna Coil
Secret Sphere Hard Echo
Mother Misery F5
Death Angel I Hate Sally
Superchrist Devil To Pay
Celesty downBleed
Messiah's Kiss W.A.S.P.
Kingcrow Wolf
Metalium Nova Lex
Brutal Mastication Hatework
Spiral Madness Vox Tempus
After Forever Black Destiny
Imp Images of Eden
Shadows Fall Tearabyte
Lullacry Otep
Katagory V Division
Eternal Flight I.C.E.
The Lizards Made of Iron
Seventh One The 7 Method
Tsjuder Karmakanic
Milkweed Crowbar
Image The Apocalyptic Riders
Crionics Dirt
Shatterpoint Heartcry
Cemetary Antares
Kaamos Marduk
Chaoswave Alex Skolnick Trio
Freedom Call Thunderblast
Ignitor Gizmachi
Callenish Circle Raintime
Impiety Throes of Dawn
Raging Speedhorn Astarte
Vicious Art Taake
Nuse Prowler Inc.
Frameless Scar Nightvision
Love Forsaken Agents Of The Sun
Scar Symmetry Evergrey
Armored Saint Bolt Thrower
Ignarus Forever Slave
Barcode Mabon
Avenged Sevenfold Paths Of Possession
Ghost Machinery Dragonlord
The Tenth Circle Torture Killer
Khold Motorhead
Vanquished From This Day
End My Sorrow Fallen Wisdom
Second Shadow Steep
Dissection Boris
Cryptopsy The Smashup
Down Factor The Sword
8th Sin Ensoph
Dawn of Azazel Fleshgore
Shadows Within Thy Majestie
Twinball Biolich
Deicide Steve Cone
Gaza Twisted Into Form
Warmachine Blood Tsunami
Hardcore Superstar Lord Belial
Madking Ludwig Merciless Death
Almah Rob Zombie
Tears Lipstick Magazine
JR Ewing Hell N' Diesel
Mortiis Ost Est Ima
Jesus Martyr Last Stone Cast
Burzum Hacksaw Surgery
The Lamp of Thoth Sin
Nasty Idols Eighteen Wheels Burning
Sotajumala Uli Jon Roth