Van Halen Release Review: "A Different Kind of Toupe" by Jonah Haze
4/13/2012 2:24:21 PM by Frank

"Dave saves the day personally. He gave them an "EPI" shot with a new phonograph needle. Rocking the cradle, getting unchained, (minding the women and children first); he was all the while maintaining the moving parts clean of this heavy machine. This is not Angelina "Jolie's" Diver Down, more like Ronnie Dio's "Holy" Diver Down.

You almost have to hold it with both hands its surprisingly heavy. Mind you this is Van Franklen but this is what will erupt the ears of the old. This is what will corrupt the years of the ears to come. Goddamn! If you didn't know me any wiser, this is fresh magic from the Van Halen Family Dutch oven.

Oh yeah, remember a guitar player named Eddie Van Halen?! Allow It! The magic man with the famous "fingertap" now holds nothing back with his reconstructed cyber hands. He sounds like the Terminator re-re-re-reprogramed to never ever stop until Sarah Conner is Dead. He searches high and low across the fretboard still so fluent in the hunger of youth. It's almost like some solos don't get to finish what Ed started. They scream at him to just let their final notes fly free from his instrument to live out their remaining resonance on their own terms.

Please welcome "Shreddie Eddie" from his long 5150 stay!"

His Full Bore Review: Van Halen - A Different Kind of Toupe

<< back >>

Anvil HammerFall
In Flames Leng Tch'e
The Great Deceiver The Haunted
Grave White Skull
Carpathian Forest Neck
Symphorce Machine Head
Vaginal Carnage Fozzy
Lamb of God Crematorium
Valley's Eve Alchemy X
Johnny Lokke Hammerwhore
Exawatt SelfInflicted
Steel Preacher Project: Failing Flesh
Brides of Destruction Deivos
Royal Anguish Force Of Evil
Gothic Knights Babylon Mystery Orchestra
Evanescence Madison Paige
David Shankle Group Nova Lex
Low Earth Orbit Estuary
Dimmu Borgir Fabrizio Bonanno
Joe Lynn Turner Mob Rules
Goatsnake Meliah Rage
After Forever Rhapsody of Fire
Shadows Fall Beaten Back To Pure
Division Age Of Silence
House of Shakira Tartharia
Made of Iron Anger
Seventh One Avenue F
Sonata Arctica Kinetic
Ligeia Crionics
Quiet Riot Vicious Circle
Tarot Icarus Witch
Backyard Babies Wolverine
the missing: Alex Skolnick Trio
Meshuggah Frantic Bleep
Chastain Gizmachi
Disbelief Embraze
Resurrecturis Painmuseum
The Atomic Bitchwax Illuminatus
Monster Magnet Dirty Americans
Penetrator Algol3
Dechrist Even X
Dreamland Gojira
Urizen Dogs Of Winter
Beecher Taunusheim
Beyond Fear Dissection
Degree Absolute Event Horizon
Leviathan/Sapthuran Pyramaze
Stormcrow Non-Human Level
Ensoph Royal Hunt
Michael Orlando Before Silence
Dendura War Within
Time Requiem Anata
The Abominable Iron Sloth Isis
Eyes of Ligeia Lesbian Bed Death
Audrey Horne Kotipelto
Quest of Aidance Stonegard
In This Moment Static-X
Mendeed Hacride
Tears Throneum
Randy Ellefson Himsa
Distorted Averse Sefira
Trivium Manilla Road
The Lamp of Thoth UFOmammut
Coffins My Dying Bride
Crown The Lost Giant Squid