F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Anvil· HammerFall
· Steel Prophet· White Skull
· Misery Index· Neck
· Solace· Nazareth
· Godflesh· Iron Maiden
· Powergod· Conquest
· Hammerwhore· Sevendust
· Artension· Mourning Beloveth
· Steel Preacher· Tad Morose
· Hypocrisy· Primal Fear
· Fraise· Force Of Evil
· Yngwie Malmsteen· Gothic Knights
· Construcdead· downBleed
· Skyfire· Gamma Ray
· Nova Lex· Feinstein
· Krokus· Insomnium
· Psychotron· Dio
· Occult· Polterchrist
· Slowlife· Six Feet Under
· Within Temptation· Seventh One
· Angra· Cryme
· Scenteria· Ligeia
· The Apocalyptic Riders· The Mighty Nimbus
· Entombed· Labyrinth
· Sabaton· Tarot
· Icarus Witch· Ravensthorn
· the missing:· Kaamos
· Novembers Doom· Bruce Dickinson
· Meshuggah· Raintime
· Nightrage· Raging Speedhorn
· Agents Of Man· Mirador
· Taake· Sebastian Bach
· Power Quest· Sheavy
· Dirty Americans· Penetrator
· Third Degree· Vinterriket
· Damnation· Dreamland
· Wolfmother· Asrai
· Gorefest· Enforsaken
· Cardinale· Poison
· Ephel Duath· Upwards of Endtime
· Clawfinger· Cryptopsy
· Moonspell· Imagika
· Speed/Kill/Hate· Hate Profile
· Ensoph· Sahg
· Time Requiem· From the Grave
· Mouth of the Architect· Hurt
· Myon· Eighteen Visions
· Venom· The Showdown
· Winger· Urkraft
· Stonegard· Hardcore Superstar
· In This Moment· Necrophobic
· Merciless Death· Chrome Division
· Pantera· Pentacle
· Trenchfoot· Glorior Belli
· Randy Ellefson· Hellveto
· Averse Sefira· Shining Star
· Last Stone Cast· Manilla Road
· Embalming Theatre· Souls Of We
· Bullet For My Valentine· Mar De Grises
· Alestorm· Ihsahn
· Something Beautiful· Sister Sin