F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· Vehemence· Mondo Generator
· Exmortem· Impellitteri
· Twisted Tower Dire· Norma Jean
· Seven Witches· Fozzy
· Lamb of God· Crematorium
· Wizard· God Dethroned
· Valley's Eve· October 31
· Exawatt· Supervillain
· Black Sabbath· Paragon
· Evanesce· Malstrom
· Nordheim· Guardians Of Time
· Mnemic· Brides of Destruction
· Soul Reaper· Doro
· Tesla· Fear Factory
· Volbeat· Funerus
· Ebony Ark· Leash Law
· Bleeding Inc· Epica
· Graveland· U.D.O.
· Hatework· Dimmu Borgir
· Destructor· Scorpions
· Dream Evil· Killswitch Engage
· Tearabyte· Jungle Rot
· Tartharia· Six Feet Under
· Haunted By Angels· Seventh One
· Karmakanic· Cryme
· Creed· Milkweed
· Code Black· Kamelot
· Requiem Aeternam· John Sykes
· Bleed The Sky· Bruce Dickinson
· Frantic Bleep· Soul SirkUS
· Kinrick· Babylon
· Burden Of Grief· Shade Empire
· Nightrage· Biss
· Astarte· Ektomorf
· Goddess Of Desire· Devil Lee Rot
· A Lower Deep· Flotsam & Jetsam
· Future is Tomorrow· Eternal Reign
· Monster Magnet· Sun O)))
· Avenged Sevenfold· God Forbid
· Insense· Grimfist
· Craft· Southern Black Sand
· Cannibal Corpse· Elvenking
· Athanator· Down Factor
· Abysmal Dawn· Apiary
· Sun Descends· Ensoph
· Cult of Luna· Destruction
· Hydrogyn· Psycroptic
· Pretty Maids· Venom
· The Gathering· Terry Sullivan
· Warbringer· Mindgrinder
· The Chronicles of Israfel· Merciless Death
· Dezperadoz· Incrave
· Marc Sasso· Trouble
· Chrome Division· Mithras
· Divine Empire· Hacride
· Antigama· Architect
· Mongrel· Glenn Hughes
· I Shalt Become· Bilocate
· Demonic Symphony· The Obsessed
· Aetherius Obscuritas· To-Mera
· Armory· Trinacria
· Bullet For My Valentine· Uriah Heep
· End of Man· Sin
· Papa Roach· Winterfylleth
· Battleroar· Mustasch
· Sister Sin