F E A T U R E

Van Halen Jokes: The Best and Worst! By Jonah Haze
7/27/2012 2:51:08 PM by Frank




Looks like the Van Halen tour has bit the dust as predicted months ago by our writer Jonah Haze. Him being an enormous fan and a witty SOB, he came up with some VH jokes to use around the office water cooler. They may not be all grand, but they are right here, right now and ya got something to read for free. Those who take quick offense to nasty jokes may want to skip this column. Fair warning...here's a few:

.Van Halen's Tour--I havent seen a band burn more of their audience since Great White.

.Of course Van Halen can pack a Super Bowl. As long as Dave is there to smoke it.

.Now Jamie's got a real reason to cry.

.The tour should have been called the "Return of the Living Ed".

.Looks like the tour turned into "just a gig".

.If DLR owned Old Yeller he would tell 'em "stay frothy."

.If Dave were smart he would tell Eddie to "stay solo."

.Contrary to Ray Romano, a Mammoth cannot survive an Ice Age.

.Van Halen are like a horror movie--"28 Years Later".

.Alex couldnt even bang Eartha Kitt!

.How many Van Halens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for their audience.

[Full Joke List]



<< back >>






RANDOM ACTS OF METAL
· The Kovenant· Lost Horizon
· Mudvayne· The Great Deceiver
· Misery Index· Twelfth Gate
· Fozzy· Mortician
· Circle of Nero· Tungsten
· Paragon· Artension
· Rage· Lanfear
· Stryper· Tad Morose
· Thunderstone· Edguy
· Asperity· Out of the Lair
· Royal Anguish· Three Inches of Blood
· Evanescence· Freakhouse
· Outworld· Velvet Revolver
· Judas Priest· De Lirium's Order
· Mob Rules· Fireaxe
· Insomnium· Psychotron
· Wintersun· Occult
· Lullacry· Age Of Silence
· I.C.E.· Internal Bleeding
· GWAR· Tartharia
· Rush· Twisted Sister
· Divine Fire· Carina Alfie
· Angtoria· Argument Soul
· Stormwarrior· Omegalord
· Frantic Bleep· Magica
· Debris Inc.· Throes of Dawn
· Shade Empire· Mirador
· Graveworm· Ektomorf
· Subterranean Masquerade· Testament
· Secrets She Kept· Nightvision
· Devil Lee Rot· Agents Of The Sun
· Warchild· Future is Tomorrow
· Black Majesty· Blood Thirsty Demons
· Winterfell· Arthemis
· Phantom X· Mistress
· Crystal Ball· Urizen
· Mastermind· Sinocence
· Detonation· Motorhead
· Dismember· Hate
· Mental Care Foundation· Totalisti
· Witchery· Across Tundras
· Katatonia· Tandjent
· 286· Wolves in the Throne Room
· Fields Of The Nephilim· Daylight Dies
· Clawfinger· Silver Dirt
· Bal-Sagoth· Down Factor
· Bludgeon· Spawn of Possession
· Cult of Luna· Dendura
· Amon Amarth· Vicious Rumors
· I· Death Breath
· Pump· The Abominable Iron Sloth
· Zoroaster· Eighteen Visions
· E-lane· Middian
· Phazm· The Gathering
· Melechesh· Terry Sullivan
· Manticore· Textures
· Manes· Malevolent Creation
· Kruger· Fight
· Temple Of Blood· Burzum
· Vulture Industries· Godhead
· Papa Roach· Crown The Lost